An unexpected loss

I expected I'd lose some things on this trip. I thought the *things* would be mostly material: the typical passport snatch (every backpackers worst nightmare), the wallet misplacement, mobile phone(s) disaster...or perhaps the less tangible, but just as memorable: loss of greed, jealousy, judgement, reliance on the material, loss of the superficial self...

I expected these things. I would've been prepared for their loss and still am. But note,all these *things* are directly related to the self. The loss of my closest friendship, such a sudden, immeasurable loss...for this, I wasn't prepared, not in the least bit.

While in Yogyakarta, I attended a world famous puppet show at Sultan's Palace. The story the puppeteer told was a sad, beautiful tale...a tale of deceit, loss and pain. Being from the Balkans, it resonated with me. Not the words the puppeteer sang - I didn't understand their meaning - but the music, the movements - these things are universal, they know no geographic bounds,

During the climax of the show, the puppeteer removed the loving face of one of the main characters and replaced it with an evil, deceitful, jealous looking face. It was the Eastern version of character suddenly turns antagonist. The changeover was beautifully done...the gongs paused, silence entered the palace, hands moved swiftly, curtains fluttered. We, the American, the Dutch, Chinese, Javanese, all sensed a breaking point. We were forced to reflect on this moment of pain...we knew the protagonist would be deceived but was unaware. We sat in silence and awaited the eventual doom. It entered, stage left, gracefully, foreshadowing my own demise...

Apparently, it takes less than a month to figure out who your real friends are when you embark on a long, personal journey. I've been blessed with quite a few incredible surprises: a boss, as supportive as a father would be, ensuring I have bread to eat upon my return. A friend in BK willing to step up no matter how big the favor. Another friend, always sending a message when I need it most, rekindling my long lost belief in telepathy. The kindness of those reading this blog, the Facebook support, the incredible strangers extending more love and hospitality than I could have ever hoped for, could have ever imagined!

And then...the antagonist, of course! To my credit, I sensed the mask come off a while ago...it was a final push towards this journey in retrospect, I just couldn't see, not clearly at least, the sharp, bitter, cold lines of the actual face cover while standing so close to it. Within weeks, the new mask took on an incredibly clear shape...lack of response to text, lack of email contact, empty conversations when contact was finally established, lies about contact attempts and...the eventual, complete disappearance and detachment.

I never could choose between 'out of sight, out of mind' and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. I guess I still can't choose. I think it depends a lot on the heart. It probably depends on the types of puppets you surround yourself with. Maybe, it all just depends on the swift hands of the puppeteer.