Just click SUBMIT

Who would've thought that clicking submit on a website could be such a powerful move? We do it every day - we buy shoes, electronics, pay our bills, purchase gifts for friends - all online, all very mechanically - enter number, expiration date, code & viola- standard, very American, handled with little thought or care (minus the shopaholics of course, who most likely feel a little surge of guilt towards the end of the procedure). Shopaholics aside, I assume it's quite rare that the submit button produces an overwhelming emotional response. I sat on my bed, hit submit and cried - they were tears of joy, but they were big, crocodile sized tears...

For years I've dreamed of escaping...I'm not sure how to define escape - I'm not a disgruntled housewife, nor daughter, nor employee (well, maybe a little)- so there wasn't a precise, tangible IT that I wanted to run from. I've worked hard to get where I am...a career focused, motivated climber, always thinking two steps ahead, sometimes three. My career, my friends, my family, my home - these were all the constants that kept me at 'safe stage'...I wanted to see the world, to 'find myself', sure, but it was always next year, after this project, after that deliverable, maybe when my parents retire...tick tock - it's funny how fast time passes by!

I recall distinctly spending hours on Facebook living vicariously through my more courageous friends, tracking their world-tour itineraries, admiring their photos, wishing that, one day, I too would be brave enough to let it all go, to step out of my comfort zone, to stop 'safe living' and actually start living...

At 31, on a beautiful Sunday morning, angry about my situation at work, heartbroken about a relationship that just couldn't work, comfortable in my king-sized bed, I woke up and turned to the key holder - kayak.com. I spent 12 hours looking for the 'right' ticket...return date in hand (I knew it was BS as I was entering September 11th into the return slot) I finally found the NRT-BKK connect to Denpasar. Perhaps a bit cliche, being in my 'eat, pray, love moment' and all, I assured myself that Bali was the best move - yes, I was lost, but it was also the furthest place on earth from NYC - I figured I could surely clear my head and plan the rest of my itinerary from there!

Though safe, I've never done things the conventional way. There was no going away party, no phone calls (I spoke to no one for four days out of fear they might divert my course in some way), no emotional goodbyes with family (parents on cruise, brother in CA), no plan. I got my vaccinations, my international driving permit at AAA - a blog in itself - packed (lighter than ever in my life) and prepared for lift off 5 days after my emotional purchase outburst. Sure, I was thrown an earthquake and a hurricane my way (in Brooklyn, come on!), but I chose to see these as signs that I was making the right move! Fear aside, my flight to Tokyo is the ONLY one to take off from JfK this morning of August 27, 2011...destiny? I choose to believe so, yes!

20 minutes after this picture was taken, the British flight was cancelled as well.

The rest of this blog is about my journey...it's for all of the kindred spirits out there afraid of the unknown...it's for all of those constrained by the golden handcuffs who might just need a kayak.com moment...it's about self exploration and most importantly, it's for the children I might one day have! What kind of bitter wife and mother would I have been had I not hit submit?I guess, thankfully, we'll never know!